Do you have a conversation about that past with those people or just resolve within yourself somehow?
People hurt people, that we all know is a reality that will never cease until the end of time. We also know that Matt. 18: 15 calls us to reconcile with our brother, but the Rebound I was in need of, was much deeper than being hurt by someone. Now hear me when I say, people can be cruel, I'm not minimizing the damage we can do to one another, but I have a saying, "Satan gets us to focus on the secondary rather than the primary". I believe for most we are in the condition we are in for a reason much greater than people hurt or disappointed us. It is easier to land there, than to get honest, go to the primary reason and deal with that.
In response to this question, I answered it's not about the pain dished out by people, but the pain God ALLOWED to be dished out by people. So if we strip back the layers to the source of the pain, we'll find it lands at the feet of God. Yet we're too Christian to say, "God I'm mad at you or I'm hurt , or disappointed in you." We've been trained from spiritual birth not to be angry at God. BUT WE ARE. So instead we walk around doing "God things", for a God we are not reconciled with.
Reconcile: to harmonize, be at peace with, to move in unison.
Atonement: AT - ONE - WITH
We tend to think of reconciliation as being a one time thing that takes place at baptism. Yet I can be blissfully in love with my husband on my wedding day, but if over the years I harbor resentment and attitudes, big and small, that are never resolved, we are no longer reconciled, even if we're still married.
If we truly want to get well, we have to reconcile with God. Accepting, that our loving God allows pain into our lives (as he did with Jesus) to usher us into the next level. Pain that we don't like, pain that we don't understand. Without doing so, we are refusing to see a side of God's face, simply because it displeases us.
Newsflash, we don't get to paint or design the God we want, but rather, must embrace the God that is.
So in response to the question, yes, there are often conversations needed with others, but I found that when I reconciled with God first there was little to no need for the other. The chains that held me bound, began to fall away. Now there will always be a face to attach blame to. But before doing so, ask yourself, was Judas responsible for the cross? or was Pilate responsible for the crucifixion? God the Father allowed His only Son Jesus to die on the cross. Scripture teaches that the crucifixion took place in "the definite plan and foreknowledge of God" (Acts 2:23). So though key players, the actions of Judas, Pilate, and those who have deeply hurt us, ultimately, were at the hand of God, so whom do you blame?
At this point someone inevitably says, "that's a hard teaching!" Trust me, I know. I tried to find a way around it only to end back where I started, Do you want to get well?
We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. (II Cor. 5:20)